What did you do in January? February?

My partner has been "reminding" me to blog. I think blogging is like exercise because 1) they are both good for mind and soul; 2) a regular practice of both is necessary to improve; and 3) once the daily regiment is interrupted procrastination or sheer unwillingness to follow through reign.

So I am blogging. Take that Procrastination!

January, hmmm, that cold and unforgiving month brought illness into the family: kids were sick and home from school. I nearly forgot my 9 year sobriety anniversary, part by purpose and part by my uneasiness with receiving medallions. (The original AA bunch didn't "do" medallions. Plus years of sobriety are nothing when what really matters is this 24 hour period.) Trips to urgent care for the kids. A class started for my partner. I joined the church folk group and enjoyed my first practice with people who WANTED me to ignore the sheet music, interpret and let go. I know some other stuff happened but I cannot remember!

February. Valentines. I decided (AGAIN) to make our/my own for the kids. So a new project combining clear copier transparency sheets, glue/water mixture, and "bleeding" tissue paper. I will have to blog another time about the process which results in a faux stained glass look. Cut the transparency sheets into hearts, string with wire and hang. Or create a construction paper frame, punch a hole, and string with yarn for hanging. Yes, it was that much work, but I HAD FUN!

February also brought the scheduling of my first and certainly not last colonoscopy. Yes, the prep stuff you have to drink tastes horrible (think unflavored pedialite combined with a dash of castor oil) and you are sedated (LIGHTLY) during the procedure. Unfortunately for me, the "mild discomfort" (as usual) translated into me laying on the table with a slight buzz, crying and saying OW OW OW OW. I also had a reaction to the anesthetic, which allowed us an extra special 1-2 hours in recovery. Can you say "FUN"????

A few days ago I had complications, the description of which I will spare the reader. I called the emergency GI doctor number and was connected to the on-call physician. Without me explaning much, she told me she KNEW about me because in 20 years of specialty, she'd never had a patient react like I did to the process and recovery period immediately after. (I AM SO SPECIAL! WHO KNEW?) She then recommended I go directly to hospital. With plans for overnight stay.

Emergency room 4 hours? Almost 5? Yes my symptoms were worrying. Yes I would be admitted when a BED was ready. Worst thing about the waiting was that I initially was stuck with the little overhead TV tuned to **shudder** Fox News. Had a CT scan, prior to which I drank some nasty apple juice/dye mixture, and had another concoction stuck into my veins. Then finally to my semi-private room where I was given the next thrilling task related to my butt. The special prep liquid.

Drink the nasty stuff. 8 ounces in 15 minutes. Poo. Repeat. Keep in mind, I already have activity in my plumbing which is quite unnatural. Every 15 minutes the nurses come to annotate the amount of "unnatural" poo. Have I said I poo into what is nicely called a "hat"? Think plastic thingy with cc's or mm's or whatever marked on it. Hats don't belong in toilets. Poo should go directly in the bowl. But combine the two and I experience dropping of the hat with icky poo halfway into the water. Do I flush to show respect for the poo loggers and cleaner uppers? Do I not flush so they an see I dropped the hat? (haha). Every time the industrial toilet flushes its as if a jet roars from the little commode closet. My butt hurts, my head hurts, I want to go home!

So I quit. I told the nurse I wasn't doing any more. I have booty complications and am exhausted from the long hours and blood loss. at 5:00 am I roll over and drift to sleep. Last thoughts were how much I wanted to be home. With my wife. My kids. Annoying as they ALL are....

Next morning, about 1.5 hours later, I am "cured". No more faulty poo. Blood count is OK. Docs show up. Butt is examined. GI doc says he too knows about me because of the "odd" reaction to the colonoscopy last week. (Oh joy, my 15 minutes of fame is in its second week.) They will let me go home. Soon. Really, won't take long, just some paperwork. 2 hours, 3, 5 and we are speeding out the door.

I've never been so happy to see my messy house. My naughty kids and animals. My wife.

Oh, I forgot to mention. I get to have another colonoscopy in three months. When they went in the first time they took souveniers. The pre-cancerous kind, which I hear from the butt doctor is "normal" for people around age 50. I am 47, so once again, so special! And, the CT scan showed another female plumbing issue. So I get to see another doc. Maybe if I have issues I could get a two for one deal. As long as they are inside, they can fix the ovary issue and the intestinal issue. Add some liposuction to the process and I am good as new!

I cannot wait until March. Really, cannot wait.