We struggle in addressing a return letter to one of our birth mothers. How do you communicate with the woman who gave life to your kids but neglected them before and after they were born? We know she is an integral part of who they are, but can we trust that any or part of her interest has the needs of our kids in mind?
She's not been consistent contacting them since they moved in with us. She does not send letters (nonetheless gifts) on birthdays and holidays. She's had a history of chemical abuse and illegal activities, but has tried to turn her life around. She is a flawed human being, as we all are, but one who's interaction with our children can blow up in our faces at any time.
Our social worker has mentioned she's concerned about the birth mom's fragility and ability to remain on track with her reformed life. I've told the social worker we cannot be responsible for her sobriety or living the legal life. We cannot exist in a codependent relationship with her - we are not responsible for her.
So we've authored a simple, cautious return reply. And we are keeping our identity secret for as long as possible. (PLEASE, no SURPRISE visits from birth mom!)
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