Twilight Zone Parenting

Thanksgiving is a tough time for queer folk. Unless you are fortunate to have a family of origin who practices tolerance and unconditional love, you are apt to be dropped into the twilight zone of reality. Take mine, for instance. (OK, you really can take them!)

You can't bring my extended birth family together without one or more members reminding me why I stay clear of religion and politics as a discussion point. For example, my one siblings is a baptist missionary. We'll call him Bwana. Complete with his spouse, they've rode the fundamentalist christian train I was born on all the way to Africa and have raised their (several) children across the world. (Fortunately, I jumped the christian freight somewhere between here and my 1st or 2nd hetero marriage.)

Bwana's wife mentioned how a US christian friend of theirs became pregnant after many years of infertility. Seems they adopted the embryos of a woman who had a few extra sitting around. (I envision tiny, teeny creatures in a petrie dish, reading the paper, watching TV, when the phone rings.) The embryos were from a US donor christian couple who were similiar in coloring (and I assume enthicity) to the infertile couple. One of the embryos completed gestation becoming a beautiful baby girl.

"What a blessing", said brother Bwana's wife. "The baby found a home," completing the wonder of it all by describing how the donating (birth parent, no not that, the donor didn't give birth, no parent, no not that, no parenting was involved) woman agreed to the donation by legaling being a part of the embryo/baby's life. Visitation, pictures, all would be part of the package.

I know families are made, not born. I know every parent needs to choose the pathway to parenting which best suits them. I made this point to those listening at the family gathering and was greeted with silence. No response.

I've endured the "shunning" of family for my choosing a woman to partner and raise children with. I know my brother and his wife well enough that they do not give glowing reports of the joy of my parenting. My family's existance is an embarrassment to them, because who I am is what they preach agaisnt in their pulpets. (James Dobsen is one of their idols, by the way.)

Maybe I am too cynical. Maybe I should just be happy the waiting eggs had the phone call which turned them into a living being. But I am a lesbian parent who has parented by adoption rather than giving birth. I've experienced the agony of children waiting homes who are alive right now waiting for their own phones to ring.